You may regain lost trust, but initial you ought to comprehend what TRUST is.

Trust is the most foundational block of any relationship. Trust is involved in all the basic parts of a healthful relationship: namely, love (respect and contemplation for another person), communication, commitment and honesty. Without trust you may get feelings, you may get the high of the “moment,” you may get longanimity and tolerance but not one thing will provide the strength and the solidity you need for a lasting kinship as trust. Why? Because the root of trust is WHAT YOU BELIEVE with regards to the other person. And your BELIEF regarding the other person is the accumulation of experiences that have either affirmed or corroded the firstborn commitment or promise. And let me hasten to say that TRUST is not just when it comes to big promises and commitments. It could just be the other person’s body language, the eyes or an air of authenticity. Have you ever felt like you are in the presence of a person for the firstborn time and you find yourself saying “Somehow I trust this person with my tummy?” Trust is born in the way the other person register in our TRUST radar. Finally what you come to believe with regards to another person is what directs your conduct and actions towards that person. So, trust is critical to the dynamics of any relationship, whether is a business, politics, a working environment, marriage, family or friendships.

When you have believed something regarding a person and that person has broken your “trust” in that belief, there isn’t a whole lot left.

Take marriage for example. The promise to stay married until “death do, us apart” is a severe promise. You trust that person. Would you marry if you wouldn’t trust? When divorce happens, what makes you think that the person who broke the promise with you is trusty of anything else later on? The tacit promise parents make to raise their children to the best of their capacity when they fetch them into the world is a severe one. What makes you think children will trust you as a parent, when you did not do your best to absorb data when it comes to good parenting and depended on God to be a good role model to them? Cheating, lying, gossip, “backstabbing,” disloyalty, miscommunication or the lack of it, dishonesty, not paying cash back, not being on time, an unreturned to call, are all promises that once broken change the level of trust somebody has placed on you. Trust is broken by altering the faith scheme another person has with regards to you.

Now, I know we have all broken promises. I have broken a lot of promises, a great deal of times and it hurts me in the pit of my stomach when I realize I miserably failed so numerous times and have let so galore people down. So this article is not from a guy that has never lost trust from people but when it comes to an individual who realizes what happened and took steps to recover the trust I lost when I failed.

Let me say it again: You may regain the trust you lost. That is, if the other person has a good heart towards you. First, you need to receive four basic principles and then follow that understanding with massive ACTION to regain the trust from the person whose trust you betrayed.

FOUR PRINCIPLES

1. When you let somebody down and betray their trust you have genuinely betrayed yourself initial and foremost all. Further more, that’s the initial person you will have to work with: YOURSELF! You will have to come to terms with your own failure, your own humanity. What happened? Why did it happen? Was an accident or is that a pattern of your character? Proud people stumble on this initial one and plainly may not do it!

2. When you let somebody down and betray their trust you must recognise you did it and that will hurt your pride. If you are not ready to be modest and talk to the person whose trust you betrayed, you are not ready to regain trust from that person.

3. When you let someone down and betray their trust it’s going to take time and effort to recover it. It will not occur instantly. This is one of the biggest challenges “betrayers” face. They ordinarily want to “just move on.” They want instant gratification. It just doesn’t take place that way!

4. When you let someone down and betray their trust, in spite of what you may do to regain their trust you must be ready to perchance be rejected and you may never regain the lost trust again. In that case it is out of your hands, even if it hurts! What kicks in here is character: you did the right thing and your heart is right. Move on being the good person you are!

FIVE STEPS TO REGAIN TRUST IN YOURSELF AND FROM OTHERS YOU HAVE BETRAYED

1. Admit your fault or the way you injure the other person

This is the most difficult step in re-building trust. Address the issue that caused the loss of trust head on. If it was you not cherishing your spouse, or treating your marriage as a sacred trust, or lying, or mistreating the other person, or not fulfilling a promise… whatever… address the issue and ask forgiveness. Asking forgiveness for a lot of vague, stupid unrelated conduct will be considered by the offended person as one more step into the destruction of trust! It’s merely insulting. My recommendation? If you have betrayed someone’s trust, don’t talk to that person until you perceive what you did wrong and you are ready to deal with it honestly. Admitting your fault candidly is not something you do to “move on” with “your” life; it’s something you do to re-establish a broken relationship, to reconcile and regain that person’s trust, which is a huge issue; regaining trust is not in regards to “your” own selfish pain!

2. Change

Nothing rebuilds trust rapidly and without delay than doing what the other person will comprehend as you having changed! Whatever you did to betray another person’s trust needs to be changed! This is a no brainer. You want to give rise to a trusting environs with the person you betrayed. Share distinctively what your plan of action is to regain that person’s trust. Ask that person to hold you accountable to your promised changes. Believe me, if you are being honorable and the other person has a heart, he/she will love you for it. There is not one thing more freshening and affirming than to recognise that an individual cares for you so much that they are more than willing to change what hurts you!

3. Share honorable information

Information is power. This is the number one trust builder. Most situations I have faced where trust has been betrayed are directly connected to lack of communication, lack of information, lies and cover-up stories. If you are afraid, say so. If you made a wrong move, tell the truth. If you fail, confess to it. If you are guarding “privileged information” and your kinship depends on the other person knowing what’s going on, be brave and say it. Information makes the other person feel like “we are in this together.” Withholding data when it’s due to the other person is one of the most painful forms of betrayal. Be straightforward and honest. If you are attempting to regain your spouse’s trust, open up when it comes to finances, time management, the humans you meet, your appointments and your whereabouts. The more selective information you provide the better it is.

4. Share yourself with the other person as a team player not as a victim

A “win-win” circumstance is difficult to obtain when you have betrayed someone’s trust, but it is possible in time. Just do not forget one thing… The person you betrayed knows you and he/she will not receive external, superficial changes. That person is your worst and most vociferous critic because you injure him/her, and you better know if you heart is changed or not before you play the “game.” What’s the classic statement of a victim? “I did it because…” A victim’s fingermark is: BLAME, JUSTIFY AND EXPLAIN. A non-victim person assumes obligation for his/her deed and seeks reconciliation with the other person because he/she needs him/her in a relationship.

5. Be consistent

If you betrayed your spouse’s trust, focus on being consistent and following steps 1-4 steadily. It may take more than one conversation. It may take time for the other person to observe you and realize that you are “walking the talk.” If you betrayed your bosses trust, focus on being consistent in building your trust level. The same applies to your children, relatives and friends. “Walking the talk” is what builds trust again.

Though the idea behind following these steps is to regain the trust of someone you betrayed or let down, ultimately, doing what’s right (admitting you’re faulty and CHANGING) is for your own sake and the core of your character. Good humans don’t only do good things to get results. They likewise do the right thing because they recognise that at the end the biggest reward is looking at themselves in the mirror and knowing they are authentic and honest. That’s what brings the greatest pleasure in this life and that’s what it means to live in The Life Zone!

If you are dealing with a tricky circumstance and you want to regain your spouse’s or children’s trust, be careful! Don’t rush into it, don’t postpone it forever, and don’t expose your “laundry” irresponsibly. That may be the beginning of your honorable journeying but the end of your kinship with that person forever. Irresponsible honestness hurts, responsible honestness heals! What’s the difference? You do it for the other person and taking into account the more outstanding picture. Many times a person from the outside may help you with perspective, timing and the mode in which you will traveling towards regaining lost trust. I may coach you on the best steps to regain trust without destructing what you have.

Betrayed

29 of 33 people found the following review helpful.
Really Impressive
By Melissa Henstra
Zoey Redbird is the most powerful vampyre fledgling the House of Night has ever seen. In fact, as far as anyone knows Zoey is the most powerful fledgling in vampyre history. She has been touched by Nyx(The Goddess of Night.) It’s clear by Zoey’s accelerated rate of change and ever growing abilities that she is meant for somthing profound. But for all that Z still has to go through all the growing pains that come with being a teenager. She’s got boys coming out of the would work. There’s her almost ex boyfriend Heath, who she’s imprinted with
and who’s blood she craves, Zoey’s Vampyre Superman, upper classman Eric Night(yep that’s really his name.) And to help complicate matters, Zoey seems to be conecting on a very personal level with part time tacher and poet Loren Blake who is as amazing as he is forbidden. Whats a girl to do?

Zoey has taken over leadership of the Dark Daughters and Sons, and is determined to change the school oganization from an elitist clique to a group with meaning, value and substance. she is getting comfortable in her skin and things are getting easier to deal with. But Zoey’s strength is about to be tested again. In new and truly terrible ways. She must learn to cope with a soul deep sadness, deal with a betrayal that cuts to the bone, and keep a promise that may turn out to be impossible.

Any doubts I had about this series were erased with this book. This for me is one of those reads that make you grumble at being interupted and reevaluate the need for sleep and food, then grumble some more cause the wait till the next book(in this case Choosen in March ’08) is intirely to long.

You should know that unlike most of P C’s books this is not a stand alone story. You don’t abosolutely have to read Marked first to understand Betrayed But it really helps and I recommend it highly. If you read Marked and weren’t thrilled with it, please reconsider and read Betrayed. It really is that good!

17 of 20 people found the following review helpful.
Interesting Sequel
By Tamela Mccann
Betrayed, the second book in the House of Night series, picks up where Marked left off–Zoey, newly Marked as a vampyre fledgling, must take up her new duties as Leader of the Dark Daughters. Along with her good friends Stevie Rae, Erin, Shaunee, and Damien, Zoey wants to find a new direction for the group after the ouster of nemesis Aphrodite. Amid all the stress of drama of perfecting a circle casting, Zoey’s love life is also in turmoil. She finds herself attracted to not just two boys, but also a very sexy young professor who seems to be attracted to her as well. What will Zoey do about obsessed ex-boyfriend Heath, whose friends are disappearing at an alarming rate? And what about the fledgling vampyre Erik, who is everything Zoey should want? Betrayed is indeed quite dark in tone, and the story takes a tragic turn just when Zoey should be celebrating.

After a bit of a slow start, Betrayed picks up nicely around fifty pages in or so. The storyline takes place over just a few days, and it is action-packed. Zoey’s grief and shock are well written, and her boyfriend dilemma is believable as long as it’s between Heath and Erik. But Betrayed is not without fault. The idea of a professor, even a young one, flirting shamelessly with a sixteen year old is just icky. The “Twins” are so superfluous that I feel they are forced into scenes. And if teens actually continuously used language the way these teens do, I’d be very, very surprised. Not over the cursing itself, but just the general conversation seems so stilted.

While I did enjoy Betrayed more than I initially thought I would, it could do with a bit of housecleaning to rid itself of too much coincidence and too little realistic interaction among the teens. I also think that much of the “vampyre” rituals seem to be more “witch-like” than they should be. But in general I did enjoy the story and I still like the whole idea of The House of Night and creepy undead creatures and people who aren’t what they seem to be. I’d love to give this one 3.5 stars for general entertainment.

71 of 94 people found the following review helpful.
How Can You Stand Her?
By Deidre Huesmann
It was very difficult for me to finish this book. I had to keep putting it down and do something else before I could muster the courage to pick it up again. This book, put simply, is a train wreck–horrible, but you can’t stop looking.

The first book wasn’t half bad, if you could look past the flat, uninteresting characters, bad narrative, and terrible grammar. (Isn’t PC Cast a professor? I can only pray not for English.) The first book had new, innovative ideas for the teen-vampire genre.

This book was awful.

Zoey’s perfect perfectness is disgusting. She has virtually no flaws. Any minor flaw she might have doesn’t even matter, like the fact she’s not as good as Damien in fencing. She’s unique and hates it. She’s modest, but it’s not even to a fault. It’s just revolting to imagine someone like this exists.

In fact, Zoey is pretty much what every girl wishes to be. She’s perfect, has one mean villain, wonderful, loyal friends, and three studly guys lusting after her. (Don’t even get me started on that. As soon as Loren came into the picture, I nearly dropped the book like hot iron.)

Her friends lack personality. There is a portion in the book wherein Zoey names their virtues, but we never see much of them.

And the authors are very obviously emoting in their books. Their clear disdain for any sort of Christian-based religion oozes out of the first chapter (I’m not even religious, but the sheer disdain and self-righteousness made me feel queasy). Every female who hates Zoey is a “ho”. And, of course, Zoey and Aphrodite both had such terrible upbringings.

Truth be told, despite Aphrodite’s trite childhood, she was the only vaguely interesting character. She did more showing than telling, and when she did it was pretty much the only time these authors abide that rule. Flat statements of how the narrator hates homophobes and believes more “white men should date women of color” to “expand their horizons.” Seriously, SHOW these things, don’t give the reader a lecture.

If you appreciate vampires, good writing, and interesting characters… DO NOT pick this book. I can’t stomach any more of Zoey, and buying the third book when they decide to unleash it on the world is a definite NO from this avid teen-vampire reader.

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